Love Diary '09 part 6~~the eclipse~~

A simple question~~what is the moon after the full moon??
when the full moon is gone~~ that mean the eclipse is coming soon~~

What is the eclipse look like??? i think everyone also learned before in primary school...
the eclipse is just the small part of moon is reflected the sunlight to the earth~~so we only can see a pieces of moon like a spoon on the sky~~

Recently, not just recently~~
we also being argued with the same matter same problem~~
when the problem being dragging and dragging~~
then it just like when you want to erase something on a paper~~
you just make it more dirty instead of erase when use a dirty eraser~~
you dint solve the problem instead of make it more worst~~~

well~~
this thing finally happen on me~~~

everytime when we in the phone~~
we just argue without realizing~~~

why argued??
it is because we also dint agree each other too~~
i got my point~she got her point~
whose point is correct??
whose point is wrong???
nobodies know???

some ppl just said correct or wrong just a person perception~~~
I agreed~

If i bind your point then your point is correct la~~
thats all~~so simple~~
i duno you guys~~
how you think about it~~

i duno whether it is normal when ur gf go out with guys and we will felt unhappy~~
i duno whether it is correct to be myself~~
i duno whether it is im not confidence to myself at all~~
i duno whether it is correct cause im always worried bout her~~
i duno whether it is correct that i talk straight what my perception on you~~
i duno whether it is correct WE ARE TOGETHER~~

BUT 1 thing im sure is I love you so much~
i dont want to lost you~~
i dont want to see you sad~
i dont want to see you cry~~

cause I LOVE YOU so much~~

Peace out~

Updated~~~ mY LiFe~~

Today is 2nd of november 2009~~~
These 2 month is the most difficult month to me~~

I was face many problems in this 2 month since passed my birthday~~
I don't know the GOD want to test or want to train me to become stronger in the future~~
I don't know what will happen in my future pathway~~
I don't know what will happen between 'us' in the future~~

We loved~~
We quarrel~~
We argued~~
We hate~~

what I was hope of course is a happy ending~~
maybe sometimes some obstacle make our r/ship more stronger and stable~~
it also make us love each others as well~~
indeed~

problems like insufficient funds are likely happen in this 2 month~~
i don't know what i should do~~
perhaps work more harder to increase my income~~
but...
in the others way~
i found out that i need to be study more harder~~
cause my education is falling from the sky~~
is it possible to balance each one~~ so that i can get good result and high income????
well~~ it is difficult~~ at least i had tried my best~~

life is miserable~

Day by Day~~
hour by hour~~
by gaining experience slowly~~~
I'm growing to suite this difficult world~~

~PeaCe OuT~


special thanks to Admest for edit this photo for me~~

LovE Diary'09 ParT 5-1/3 (The fuLL mOOn)

After the 'incident' as mentioned in ParT 4(3/3)~~
I was follow my operation~~
Operation to heal someone heart~~~
Operation to sew someone wound~~
Operation to lighted up someone days~~~

At 21/05/09~~

I decided to go Espee to celebrate her birthday on the next day~~
there is so much preparation for the 1st birthday for her that celebrate with me~~
and i want to leave a unforgettable birthday celebration for her~~

1st Suprise : a Sony erricsson W705i~~

2nd Suprise : a Handmade birthday card~~(but failed to make because of time)~~

Unfortunately~~
i forgot to buy a birthday cake for her asi thought her family would get one for her~~
LONG PIAK!!
but i promised myself will get replace one for her in future(half years anniversary)~~

I took the night shift bus at that night while i try to sms her with another handphone number with that new phone~~
As i pretend that i want to make a friends with her named 'Lucas'~~ lolz
but he ignored 'him'^^
At the mean time, i tried to finish the birthday card but i failed>< style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">At the time of 0000~<22/05/09>

at the first moment of her birthday~~
i was used my N81 to called that W705i~~

when she was heard that hand phone rang~~
she know that i already bought a handphone for her as she mentioned before~~

she was so suprised and happy~~
but...
I din't prepared a birthday cake for her~~
as I want to buy a small cake for her~~ but because the matter of time i failed to make it~~

I was so happy and glad that saw her so happy when she know me bought a hand phone for her~~
I swear that was the most expensive present i bought in my life wakakazz^^(sorry to all my friends)
when she smile~~
when she laugh~~
when she talk~~
when she breath~~
that all already melts my heart like a dark chocolate~~ bitty but nice^^
bitty?! why bitty?? after 5 hours sat in the bus of course^^

At the day of 22/05/09~~

At that day~~ my operation was started~~
At this day~~ I brought her to Penang island~~
We have a sweet memory that day~~

At this day~~ it was so special~~
what was so special??
because SHE was single!!!
I felt that i m fully own her^^ no others bad things pop up in my mind~~
I felt like we are FREE!!!
I m not sure that Im good or bad thinking like that-.-

We Shopping~~
Eating~~
Movies~~
Chit chatting~~
Take photos~~
Roller Skating~~
WE do all those things just like every couples does^^
especially when we playing the roller skate together~~
when she hold my hand and lead me as i was a beginner to roller skate~~
i felt... a kind of comfort~~
a kind of... Sweet...
a kind of.... Love...
a kind of... Sweet Sweet Love...^^
a feel that i never been have for 22 years~~

another things was SHE also felt that too~~
She also agreed what i m thinking~~
although at that day she not very well~~

I can say that operation was 90% succeed^^
I have done my best^^

At that day~~ I hold her hand very tight~~
Cause i scare to lost her~~
i scare she will be hurt~~
i scare she will be alone~~
i scare she will be cold~~
I...love her...

Since N81 Gone..... 5800XM coming soon...

At 5/07/09~~~

After a movie with my lou po at queens bay mall..
We decided to go back home~~~

It was a good day~~
because...
I can watch my favorite movie with my Lou po "Transformer 2 Revenge of the Fallen"~~
I can shopping with my beloved~~~
I can eat together with my beloved~~~

but... it was not....
it was a tragedy at the end...

At 1830 evening~~
After we finished our lovely movie and shopping~~
We decided to go back home as soon as possible before the sky get dark~

this.... is the time tragedy was occurred~~~
It was a busy period where everybody also want to get back to home~~~

When the bus arrived~~
everybody were rush to the bus like an ant crowded for their food~~~
Me and my Lou po ether~~

Unfortunately....
while im took care of her~~~
I also forget to took care something.... my belongings~~~

Luckily~~
we get into the bus before it was crowded~~
I was started to worried my belongings~~
and i checked my belongings of my left pocket and right pocket~~

My wallet still here~~ BUT?!
where was my hand phone???~~~N81

SHITT!!!
is it drop at the bus station?? i go back to checked... NO it was not!!!
is it out inside the bag?? searching and searching... NO it was not!!!

AS a conclusion....
it was stolen ... T.T
by a bull shit goddamn pickpocket~~~

All the things become silent in my mind~~
my mind was blank~~

My lovely N81 gone forever...and forever~~
and i can do nothing to get it back~~~

It was a phone that contained countless of valuable memory of me~~
especially for my Lou po~~

i can say that where our relationship started from the phone~~
it was so so so SAD~~~
our photo~ our sms~ our calls~ our.....

We were both felt so sad on this tragedy~~

at here~~ i want make a shout out~~~
we cursed that pickpocket~~~
we pray for N81 so that it will get a nice owner who love it like me~~~

Peace Out for N81~~~

and...

REady for our next...

5800XM silver/black^^

LovE Diary'09 ParT 4(3/3) (The Day WithOut U)

Cont.

At 01/05/09 to 18/05/09~~~ Days without you #17th to 27th day~~

At the month of April, there were total 16th days i lost contact with her~~
it just a half way~~
and the lonely journey haven't end~~

here We continue~~

At the beginning of the may...
it was a sad month~~~

what i do~
what i eat~
what i see~
what i read~
what i hear~
what i smell~

also..

no mood~
no taste~
no colour~
not clear~
no focus~
no perfume~
no feeling~

That absolutely out of control of myself~
that not ME... somebody soul have occupied my body~~

im thinking am i lucky that i meet her or im the unlucky one to meet her~~
i had a crush on a girl that have boy friend ?!
what a jokes~~~
It sounds like i m going to grabbed others gf from others~~
oh my god~~~ please tell me what should i do~~

In these days~~
i keep sent forward message to her~~
some of the message also hints that i am missing her very much~~
i knowing that she would not reply me but why the hell i still text her ?!
why~~ why~~ why~~~

well~~ no matter how~~
i still in my daily routine~~~

ask if any body saw me smile at that period~~
anybody ????
no....no body~~~

everytime when i took up the phone~~
look at the calendar~~~
look at the date~~
counting how many days i din contact her ler~~~

look at the inbox~~~
is there any message i dint read???

look at the time~~~
counting the time that tick tock-ing~~

look at the call log~~~
is there any missed call that i dint received~~

all these action just disappointing me only T.T

At one day before 15/05/2009~~~

it was a hot afternoon, and a moody + sleepy me~~
Suddenly, i was received a call!!

Oh my god, see who is calling~~ is her?!

why she can call me at this time???
i was so touched and happy ^^
til i forgot to angry her already~~

We was chatting for a while about 15 minute~~~
it was not satisfied for me for being abandoned for a long time~~
But she have to hang up cause some reason~~~

i wish at at that moment would freeze as i wish~~
til i satisfied~~

Again i was abandoned again~~
In the phone just now.... she said she was miss me alot~~~
when i was heard it~~ it just make me so touched~~
i just tried to lock my tears from my eyes~~

Til the Day of 15/05/09~~

When i was in a funeral of my relative~~
I suddenly received a sms that shock me from the sad funeral~~
She said she will be break up~~
I was stunned at that moment~~~

Am i supposed to happy???
Am i supposed to sad???
Am i supposed to advise her???
Am i supposed to encourage her???

What i should do??
Can God give me the hints???

I just tried to think rationally at that moment~~~
I ask her again and again~~
Are You sure to do that???
The answer was YES~~
and i respected to her decision that her made~

At the time of 0030~~~

All the things have come to the end~~
All the things have come to the conclusion~~
All the things have to start over again~~

Should I felt happy for that??
The answer was NOT~~
WHY???
I know she was sad~~I know she was cried~~I know she was pain~~
The worst things have been happened to her~~
and my heart feeling pain too~~

At the day of 20/05/09~~

Who supposed to leave~~ have to be leave~~
Who supposed to be stay~~ have to be stay~~
All the things have to start over again~~
All the things need to be settle it down~~
Even a wound need some time to heal~~~

what I can do is accompany her all the time~~
lent my ears to her~~~
tried to put some candy in her heart~~~
tried to heal her wound ASAP~~
that all i can only do~~~

And one things was....
I stay back to her in the end~~~

Is there any extent of our r/ship??
What i supposed to do???
Is this the right time to do so????
Is my appearance cause this thing happen to her?????

Al type of doubt have been pop up in my mind~~~

BUT... 1 important things was she was single and available AGAIN~~

~PART 4 ENDED~

LovE Diary'09 ParT 4(2/3) (The Day WithOut U)

Cont...

After the last call~~~~
finally~~
the phone has been shut down at that time~~

at that moment i just hope the time will be rewind to yesterday night~~
rewind to he sweetest time we ever have~~~
rewind to the time we together~~~

‘只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着~~要怎么停了~~~’

i also hope the time also can fast forward~~
forward to the future time so that i can chat with her again~~
listen to her voice every night before i sleep~~~

but....now...

gone...all gone...

at this time i dont know need to wait how long~~~
1 days??
1 weeks???
1 month????
or ...

i just hope time can flow faster and faster...

At 17/04/09 to 30/04/09~~~

at the 17/04/09 time of 0745~~~

i woke up in the morning~~
the 1st thing i do was send a sms to her so give a warm good morning to her~~~
did i forgotten something???
or i just use to it???
i was put down my hand phone and forgot bout what i want to do~~~

well~~ as a saying goes : life still on~~
i gotta continue my life here~~~
and i look on the mirror~~
told myself must be stay strong~~~
nothing gonna change without her ok^^
and go to my college~~

Unfortunately.....
this though was proven wrong after a day without her~~~
cause i realize that i almost think of her whole day even though i study~~
i cant even focus on the class~~
my mind just can blank and thinking of her~~
my eye just can lost focus~~~
i just like day dreamer~~~

it just like a automatic switch~~
i...just... cant...stop.... thinking of her....
i just cant stop thinking when the time i with her when the 2nd time i met her~~~
it just like playing a slide show~~~
image by image~~~~
day by day~~~~
little by little~~~
my missing messages in my brain to her has become a mountain~~~~
it just keep my mood down the deep....... deep......... bottom~~~
no one can help me out of the hole~~~
except her~~~
i can say that bout 80% of the whole day im in moody mode~~~~
where is the 20%??
it is when im at college hanging out with my colleague or hanging out with my frens~~~

it just like take a panadol~~~
just relieve a while~~~

when i was prepare to get into my dream land~~
when it was silent and dark...

this is the time where i start to thinking of her~~~
what i can do is~~~
view back the photo i took with her~~
listen back the voice i record when we was in the conversation~~~~
send a forward message to her to relieve my pain~~~
my pain.....in my heart....
it is.....bleeding T.T

sometimes~~~
she will send me a forward message~~~too...

but i suppose to happy~~~
this time i feel angry~~
i also duno why~~~

maybe...
i hate her dint reply my forward messages..
i hate her dint call me....
i hate her dint bother me for a period of time...

but....sometimes people said hate and love just between a line~~~
is it i already fall in love deeply with her??
i think so~~~
it is proven in this period already~~~
Yes, i do~~~

to be Cont.~~

09/07/09 The Day of us....

Today~~ 09/07/09~~~
is the most important day for us two~~
me, Jeffy Ng and her, Erlyss Chee~~~

It is because today is our 4th anniversary of our r/ship....
it is the 4th month of our r/ship.....
We been go through all the things together for 4 month~~~
It is a valuable and wonderful journey we been through~~~

Yes... we should celebrate~~
but...we are a long distance r/ship~~LD
well i m working over here~~~
and i just cant take my time here to celebrate with here~~~
that just make me feel sad...

but 2day...
we just quarrel about some matter~~~
that is the problem of LD~~~~
it just make me feel frustrated and useless~~
i just even cant protect my girlfriend at all~~~
im useless~~~~
i do nothing~~~~
and nothing i can do about it~~

it just make me feel very...very..very... sad~~~

but my love for you was never change~~~
my love for you gaining day by day...second by second~~~~
even infinity~~~~

HappY 4th Anniversary to my Lou po~~~

Here i got 1 song to sing~~~

"Theres only 1 thing~ 2 do~ 3 words~ 4 you~~ I LOVE YOU~~~"


PeaCe out~~~~